Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] The replies of our gorgeous PM to every problem during his premiership: Ramgoolam so faute sa!

Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Mercredi 5 Août 2020

Breaking News! A kind soul from the PMO (notice I said a kind soul, i.e. only the others are indescribable idiots) has sent me a copy of all the answers that Pravind Jugnauth will give in anticipation of any question by anyone until he is kicked out of office.

Here is the list:

1/ Question: Why is the country in such a mess, Prime Minister? 

    Answer of at least 10 minutes but here is the gist of the reply: Ramgoolam so faute sa!

2/ Supplementary question: But you have been in power for the last SIX years! You and your father have been the PM during all that time!

    Answer of at least 10 minutes: Mr Speaker Sir, I thank the Honourable member for recognising the immense honour that the Jugnauth family has bestowed on this island, bla bla bla for 8 minutes. Then the coup de grace: Ramgoolam so faute sa! With Cotomili! Coffre forts! added for good measure...

3/ Speaker: Yes, Honourable sipaki from the opposition, my expression shows that I hate you and I wish you were dead! Your question please! Decorum! Parliamentary Democracy (saying to himself, ki eter sa Decorum la? Nouvo rhum sa? Pli bon ki Goodwill sa?)

 Question from Honourable Sipaki from the opposition:

The Prime Minister often claims that he does not talk to his sister or to his brother in law: Do they share a nice farata and carri poisson now that the Rs 144 millions cheque signed by him for that derelict hospital known as Medpoint has been cashed?

Answer of at least 10 minutes: Mr Speaker Sir, they suffer from amnesia! The Privy Council cleared me! bla bla bla about how pays p fer progre, tou dimoune mari kontan, zot zet fleurs lor mo li pied kot mo passer....And then, Ramgoolam so faute sa! Li ti force moi pou signe sa cheque la! Tap la tab for 1 minute following this.

Speaker: Order! Order! Time is over!

Opposition members and watching public: Sa meme tou? 3 questions pou 30 minutes? Sa oussi Ramgoolam so faute sa?

Speaker standing up, big protruding stomach to the fore: I am suspending the shitting for 1 hour. I am dying for one anyway: Goodwill hier la et so carri gro poi p fer mari dega dan mo vantre!
Deputy Speaker, saying the only phrase he knows: " You are doing well. Carry on!"

Questions and answers for the next few weeks:

1/ Question: Why does the Prime Minister insist on lying about what Joanna Berenger said? She never called anyone a Zako. What she said was "Arete azir kouma zako" when confronted with wild, sexist, and insulting comments by the zombies on that side.

Does the Prime Minister recall himself having said " Taper couma ban zako, taper! Zot pou koner apres! Nek taper meme toi!" It is in Hansard of 19/06/2012.

Answer: Smile, teeth protruding: If you behave like zako, how else should I call you? (Tap latab for 1 minute from the zombies..), But seriously Mr Speaker, Sir, I remember this very well: Ramgoolam so faute sa! It was during the time of Medpoint and the bastard wanted to sack darling Maya from the cabinet! Another example of Hindu bashing! Ar moi, non! Ramgoolam so faute sa!

2/ Question: Can the Prime Minister tell us how Sherry Darling has moved from being a koler lafis in 2014 to multi millionaire status, now building a palace in a very select and expensive part of the island? 
Answer: Ramgoolam so faute sa! We all know how he used to drink his whisky, smoke big cigars, etc. We don't know if he used a cigar a la Monica Lewinsky with cotomili, huh huh (obligatory tap la tab from the zombies when appreciating the talents as comedian of our PM...). Sherry Darling is a great man! He gives excellent swimming lessons too!

3/ Question: Can the PM tell us why we are now nearly Rs 400 billions in debt and many people are going hungry?

Answer: Ramgoolam so faute sa! It is because of his big cigars! Pa mo faute sa!

4/ Question: Can the PM tell us why he chose to build Cote D'Or stadium for Rs 5 billions when that money could have built at least 5,000 houses for our homeless?

   Answer: Ramgoolam so faute sa! Ki zot ti pou prefer, mo plante cotomili la ba? Deza, Stade Georges V in parer pou plante zoli cresson la ba...

5/ Question : Mr Speaker, Sir, is the Honourable Pravind Jugnauth our Prime Minister? Or is the real Prime Minister, Lady Macbeth and la cuisine under her total control? In other words, is Honourable Pravind Jugnauth just another kalchoul in la cuisine?

Speaker: Decorum! Kot mo rhum? Parliamentary Democracy! This is not a good question!

Answer from the PM: Mr Speaker, Sir, let me answer this question. Only an idiot would ask such a stupid question! Only an idiot would ignore the fact that Ramgoolam so faute sa! It is because of Ramgoolam, Mr Speaker, Sir. Everyone saw that he was under the control of Nandinee Soornack! I have no problem in confessing that moi oussi, mo madame ki kontrol tou seki mo fer! Si Nandinee ti so cotomili, b Lady macbeth mo di thym persi sa! (tap la tab and applause from the zombies...)

This, I am afraid, is going to be the pattern of PNQs in our "August" National assembly. It will soon reach the stage where if you inadvertently let out a loud, stinking fart at work, your ready made excuse for that will be " Ramgoolam so faute sa!"

In other words, when you do not have a plausible answer, mention " Ramgoolam so faute sa!" and you hope that all will be well.....But Lepep Kouyon pa sa kouyon la, do! 

Mercredi 5 Août 2020

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