Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] Mr Moustasse, please delete the 2 minute video of my pratical biology session...

Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Lundi 25 Juillet 2022

Dear Mr Moustasse,

I am in a bit of a quandary. As you are probably aware, there is an epidemic of amnesia in Mauritius, and the person that this terrible illness has affected the most is our Prime Minister, Mr Pi Ke Jugnauth. You have probably asked yourself this question many times: "Who washes the dhotis/kurtas that your lovely Mr Modi wears all the time when they start to''sniff"?" The answer, which I am sure you know, is our lovely Prime Minister, of course. You see, there is nothing that Mr Modi asks that our lovely Pi Ke will not say yes to. In fact he always qualifies his yes to the Great Modi with, " Is that all? Are you sure? Because I can give you much more, you know." Agalega is only one example, as you know very well...

His amnesia hits with alarming regularity whenever he is asked a question where it is clear he has fucked up. Fortunately, he has developed an array of answers to help him to avoid answering the original question: " I am not aware", " Ein? vrai sa? Mo pa ti konne sa moi (or if he wants to impress us with his French, he would say, "Moi, ze ne konne pa sa moi"....Often, he would resort to desperate measures and mention his mortal enemy, the press, and says " Mo ti lire sa dan zournal". His favourite one seems to be an example of the Eternal Quest for the answer that never comes: " Let me find out, and I'll get back to you". Of course, you and I know that "I'll get back to you" is the favourite reply of someone who owes you money and who you know he/she will never pay it back...

But I digress. Everyone is talking about that "sniffing" and the two minute "capture" of all our internet communications. I am deeply worried that whilst sniffing and capturing, you might have captured me in a Practical Biology class with my favourite teacher...I don't know which two minutes you captured of me and "Missy" exploring the human anatomy. I most certainly do not want her short red knickers to distract you from your amazing work in the superior interest of your country...I mean that of India of course, and not the little island that seems to have become Modi's playground for a few years now....
Anyway, I hope the two minutes of you sniffing did not include my arse going up and down, and I would urge you to ignore the moans and giggles that accompanied that Practical Biology session. I remember Bollywood movies where none of this ever took place, and instead, the actress became magically pregnant from dancing and jumping around with her beau in a beautiful park, and their relationship was consummated only when 2 beautiful roses were seen rubbing against each other on the screen...hence the pregnancy. You Indians are really clever: never mind all the ins and outs, the sweating, the kissing on the lips and tongues meeting (yuck! Fancy exchanging saliva like that! What is so difficult in asking her to spit in a glass and then give it to you, eh?), the legs around the neck, the bending down, and all that palaver! It would be so much easier if you want to have sex and get pregnant from just that one episode, to just go to a park, dance around and sing out of tune, and just before the dancing ends, climax it with two roses magically moving towards each other... Et voila! Nine months later, your sleepless nights will start..

So, I hope any capture and sniffing of yours did not include me and that lovely woman practising our knowledge of biology. Perhaps you might come to the conclusion that her generous bush is perhaps a positive sign that with a bit of effort, we can all beat climate change, instead of polluting it with disposable razors! We know that Modi wears his bush around his face, and that tells us that he is very concerned about global warming too...

Anyway, my dear Mr Moustasse, if perchance you come across my brown arse pumping away, please delete it...or use it to blackmail Pi Ke, and say that it was him who was pumping away, and that if he does not give L'Ile Plate also to India, the world will soon see Pi Ke's arse doing press ups with someone else...Let Lady Macbeth chop it off if she gets too angry, because we don't care, do we, Mr Moustasse?
Happy sniffing, Mr Moustasse. You "captured" us with that thick dollop of phlegm you spat in the flower bed after your 6 hours of sniffing...I am told that those flowers are now radioactive and glow at night. Perhaps you could ask Joe la tete bibite Lesjongard to make you the head of CEB, because that phlegm of yours could meet all our electricity needs for years!

Lundi 25 Juillet 2022

Nouveau commentaire :

Règles communautaires

Nous rappelons qu’aucun commentaire profane, raciste, sexiste, homophobe, obscène, relatif à l’intolérance religieuse, à la haine ou comportant des propos incendiaires ne sera toléré. Le droit à la liberté d’expression est important, mais il doit être exercé dans les limites légales de la discussion. Tout commentaire qui ne respecte pas ces critères sera supprimé sans préavis.