Menu


Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] A SHORT, SEX MANUAL....


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Lundi 25 Janvier 2021



See how the title grabbed your attention? Haha! What follows is entirely fictitious and bears no resemblance at all to anyone living, dead, or anyone asleep and pretending to be dead. I think we can learn a lot from each other, especially with the hidden messages behind words and phrases used on a regular basis...

1/ When I am on my feet, you stand up! This is clearly an order for oral sex, but in a new, quite imaginative position. Try it, and that famous instruction will spice up your marriage and relationships. Masters and Johnson never thought of it, so no one can now dare say that Mauritians do not have an inventive, adventurous imagination. 

2/ If you have any doubts about that instruction, please consult the manual on that specific matter, known as Standing Orders...For those who do not know, 'manual' in no way refers to self service or loving oneself too much.

3/ " Never speak with your mouth full" is self explanatory...except to those who will insist on moaning and whining even when savouring a lovely dish. Same with " Do not talk when I am on my feet!" (See 1 for further details...)

4/ " Order on this side of the House!"...shouted, when one wants some peace and quiet and there is too much friction...As we know, too much friction ends up making us sore.

5/ Mia Mia, I have given my ruling! You need to consult the Standing Orders and proceed with 1,2,3,4 in an orderly manner. 

6/ If people are too lazy or stubborn, threaten them with the Whip! Which as you know very well but pretend you don't, all dominatrixes are usually armed with that fearful weapon, and a few lashes will soon make you very obedient and submissive...For further info, see Maya, because she used the whip with frightening effect for 5 years....

7/ " I am doing my best!"...In other words, I consult the manual every day, and it is your fault for being so frigid! I know what I am doing, and you need to learn by now that pain is followed by pleasure. So, bend down and take it like a man! or woman...

8/ With power comes responsibility. So, when I shout 'Withdraw', I know what I am doing! Withdraw or else! To pa conpran "Withdraw"? To prefer mo dire " Coitus interruptus"? ou " Trangler li"?

9/ Why are you so stupid? How many times do I need to tell you to withdraw? You want to reach the point of no return? Not on my patch, siouplai! Remember, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, even though the mysteries of the bush can be so enthralling to unravel....

10/ If you still refuse to withdraw, then I have to order you out! LKTM, to pa koner ki apel 'withdraw'? You accuse me of protecting the Prime Masturbator? Out! Out!

That, my dear friends, is what you need to say and do if you want to spice your life. Our 'leaders' do it all the time...Those messages will be repeated every Tuesday, until you all say 'Please, Gro vant', and Gro vant soular will be very nice to you then...

Gro vant soular: I have been barking orders for the last hour now and I am feeling quite peckish. Time to go now and eat the delicious five star food, kindly provided for free by Lepep Kouyon. All that friction is quite exhausting, you know. Makes me all sweaty....I might even withdraw some takeaways..

p.s. All the above takes place in an imaginary place where hypocrites, thieves, and zombies love to laze around...This show does not take place on a regular basis, as the Prime Masturbator decides when the imaginary place will open, and that is usually as rarely as possible....


Nouveau commentaire :

Règles communautaires

Nous rappelons qu’aucun commentaire profane, raciste, sexiste, homophobe, obscène, relatif à l’intolérance religieuse, à la haine ou comportant des propos incendiaires ne sera toléré. Le droit à la liberté d’expression est important, mais il doit être exercé dans les limites légales de la discussion. Tout commentaire qui ne respecte pas ces critères sera supprimé sans préavis.