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Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] Things to do before one kicks the bucket...(dies)


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Mardi 18 Janvier 2022



Zubair Cassim Dilmahomed once messaged me this, and I thought that in this world of pseuds and hypocrites, I would share it with you (with his permission of course) and embroider it a little bit. He tells me it is from something called Twitter, which up until then, I thought was a format designed for twits and not for sensible people like him....:The message read: "Some people have no frigging shame! If u're gonna pass aggressive wind, at least have the decency to part ur cheeks away discreetly and not on the person standing behind you."

I thought the sentiments expressed in that message are fine, but only if you happen to be a tight arsed sort of person; you know, the type who probably enjoys the smell of his own fart but pretends the world is ending if someone nearby lets one rip, either accidentally or by design. So, I replied: " But the pleasure in passing aggressive wind is surely to ensure that those near you can smell the stink, and you then point the finger accusingly at someone else as being the responsible party. Otherwise, what would be the point in aggressive farting, or even mild farting on your own?"

That got me thinking, as there is not much in terms of news these days apart from one minister wearing savate Dodo and shagging anything that moves, another one filming the delights of oral sex with a new recruit en ba la tab (perhaps to prove to us ki pa zis pitaye/bribe ki pass en ba la tab...) and politicians enjoying luxurious lives with incredible salaries, entitlements, and expenses and  shouting "Shame!" when talking about poverty, as they spurt their dribbles of sanctimony and hypocrisy all over the place, and then walk out in a spasmodic gait, face contorted either with relief, pain , or anger, or simply because that is how they look all the time...So, here are some things that I think everyone with a sane mind ought to consider doing before dying...Ladies can of course also participate..

1/ After having eaten some Dewa specialities with a special helping of carri gro poi, hang around the ground floor of the Ministry of Housing and Lands, well suited and carrying the mandatory file and a clip board to show how important you are, and wait for Obeedoobeedoo to arrive. As soon as he turns up, get in the lift and keep the door open, and put on your best servile smile to show him how blessed you feel to be in his presence, and how your life's ambitions would be achieved if he could travel in the same lift as you. The chances are there will be a crowd of people with him ( Mauritian ministers expect that as of right, and lepep admirab loves to behave as expected by our politicians..).

The lift will be crowded, press the shut door button with the best sycophantic smile you could possibly manage, raise one buttock cheek imperceptibly, clench bum so that the volume level of the impending volcano burst is reduced to the minimum, and let rip a long, nasty one. Wait for 3 seconds so that the stench starts wafting all around the enclosed space, then make sure you are the first one to put your hand to your face, pinch your nose, stare at Obeedoobeedoo and shake your head with disgust. His automatic reaction would be to say (he is a politician after all...) " Pa moi sa! Li sa!" Too late, minister! In these situations, saying anything only serves to confirm the suspicion that it was the ministerial arse that was responsible for this latest example of gas poisoning. Haha!

2/ Repeat the above with every tight arsed minister, politician, those servi nou pays, zavokas, fake priests, imams, pandits, zourlanus. Remember, these people have been shitting on us for years! Time to make them smell the stench of our shit for a change.

3/ Take a double helping of Dewa's specialities when you repeat the above procedure for every politician who looks too full of him/herself, i.e. all of them.

4/ For Pinokio, evidaman, as he has 'principes', fart as much as you want and he will say nothing and do nothing apart from mumbling "Bien sure, sak dimoune ena so lopinion et nou laisse la police fer so travay, parski nou dan ene etat de droit et la police azir en toute independance".

Your country expects nothing less of you, people! Be real patriots and let the serviteurs du pays smell the shit they keep throwing at us! 

Those who do the above will truly enter Paradise, if you believe in that sort of thing...

Remember, bravery has nothing to do with fighting 50 armed psychopaths with one arm tied behind your back; bravery is a man or a woman with diarrhea chancing a fart, and hoping like hell that there won't be a follow through!

Mardi 18 Janvier 2022

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