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Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] The fallacy that men kill their wives and girlfriends 'out of love'...


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Lundi 2 Novembre 2020

" Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."----Margaret Atwood.



How often do we hear the nonsensical excuse for premeditated murder in the home as a 'broken heart', 'he loved her too much', 'he could not live without her' and other lurid examples of some men's desire to control the one they claim to love? 

"If I can’t have you, nobody can," is a common refrain we hear from  men who equate the 'I love you' from their partners at the beginning of a relationship as a licence to control her for life, even when she has had rightly enough of the control, domineering, abusive freak; once she has seen his true colours, and feels nothing but revulsion at the abhorrently possessive nature of the one who once proclaimed undying love, respect, and affection for her, why should she be forced to stay even one second longer with the abusive, possessive freak?.

It is a well known fact of life that womenare at high danger of risk, violence, or attempts on their lives when they leave or try to leave their abusive and aggressive partners. This is when the homicidal expression, " si mo pa gagne toi, personne pa pou kapav gagne toi" manifests itself in all its horror, as if the woman is now a trophy that only the cowardly bully can win. 

The truth is that men kill their partners because they want power over these women, because they want control, because they believe they own their wives and girlfriends, because these women are no longer their partners but their possession, their property, with no will of their own, and whose only duty in life is to obey the psycho.

There is an obvious risk to the lives of women in Mauritius if we continue to ignore a national conversation about the high number of murders of "estranged" wives and girlfriends each year. It is no use a minister for gender equality attending the funeral of a murdered wife/girlfriend and reciting all the platitudes about how terrible domestic violence is, and then doing next to nothing to try to control the problem. It is even worse when the opposition spokespersons on gender equality see a domestic violence murder as an ideal opportunity to show us how much they 'care', and how in their manifesto for the next elections, " nou pou konbat violence domestik' will again be high on their list of priorities.

What exactly are you going to do if during the 5 years in between elections, all that you have done is ingratiate yourself to an idiotic male leader, and done nothing to devise new policies in order to enact decent laws to control this terrible problem? 

How often do we hear of cases of domestic violence (some after years of prolonged abuse) where the aggressor is arrested, taken to court, and then released the next day to return to the same home where he is again at liberty to resume his habit of using his partner as a punch bag?

It is much worse in cases of incest/sexual abuse of one's own children where the pervert is allowed to return home, and the case will take years to reach a conclusion, often with the young victim unable to recall accurately the traumatic events she endured when she was a little girl---which means that the plea of the defence zavoka that there is no case to answer will be rubber stamped by a magistrate showing none of the care and judicial wisdom and maturity required to deal with this sensitive topic.

Can you imagine the state of mind of the girl that she has accused her own father of a most horrific crime and is now seen by a vengeful public to be a 'liar', all because a cruel justice system cannot be arsed to prioritise some cases?

There is an urgent need for a strong Women's movement in Mauritius that highlights the life or death issues facing many women on this island. Unfortunately, the "Women's'' groups in existence consist of a few attention seeking individuals whose primary need is to be seen at cocktail parties attended by ministers. or who spend their time sucking up to party leaders on the quiet, in the hope of getting a ticket for the next general elections. They are nothing but vultures who see the problems of women as a springboard for an ambition that is way in excess of their negligible skills and talents....

The more we talk about men’s violence against women as “passionate” or as something uncontrollable and attached to love or heartache, the more we excuse things like domestic abuse and male entitlement. There are plenty of women in this world (men, too!) who have had their hearts broken in the most gruesome and unfair ways… And yet, their emotions haven’t led them to kill. This kind of violence is mostly a gendered crime, and we must name it as such. Disguising the truth will only lead to more violence.

As for the saps who say 'Mo pa kapav viv san toi, mo pou suicide moi", all that I can say is " Get a fucking life!" If you suffer from a terrible inferiority complex that makes you want to possess and completely control the one you claim to love, drink some camomile tea or anything to make you understand the simple, basic concept that love can never mean complete and total subjugation of one's ego and personality in order to satisfy the pride of a callous brute.

And if that does not work, then by all means kill yourself and do us all a favour. But leave the woman alone! She has an absolute right to try to find the happiness that a more decent and mature man might provide her...or the right to be happy on her own!


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