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[Paul Lismore] The art of dealing with any complaint, according to Pravind Kumar Jugnauth


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Jeudi 16 Décembre 2021



1/ Feign ignorance of the problem, which is an excellent tactic for someone with a naturally stupid face. Someone who calls him/herself a 'journalist' but who clearly is a zourlanus will ask a question that is as probing and penetrating as a cardboard drill: " Premier Ministre, ou kapav dire nou ki ou penser lor sa scandal la?".

The Prime Minister will do his best to look statesmanlike, but as soon as he opens his mouth, all pretence at being a great leader vanishes straightaway.. His repertoire of answers to the stupid question include these favourite answers:

a/ Mo fek tan sa la. 
b/ Mo pa ti koner, mai hier kan mo ti dan toilettes, mo ti tan ban la p mentionne sa. Laisse mo dire ou, mo kk in sezi en place kan mo tan sa!
c/ Nou dan ene etat de droit et pa pou ena cover up (just mentioning this bit tells you that there will indeed be a massive cover up...).
d/ Tou le tan mo dire ki si dimoune ena ninporte ki conplaintes, zot bizin addresse zot a nou system bien independant et al koz ar ICAC ou CCID . Real journalists would burst out laughing as soon as he mentions "independant", but our zourlanus act as if zot p apendan ar so graines and can't wait for the next "pearl of wisdom" to come out of his cretinous mouth...
e/ Mo pa pou tolere oken magouy! Seki in faute pou bizin payee!! Mo pou san pitie!!! (When this one is said in a loud voice, one can see some of the zourlanus creaming themselves in an orgasmic delight, and putting themselves on offer for the next  vacant Press officer's job...)

2/ Any of the above must always include at the beginning of the sentence, " Evidaman", and the sentence must end with "Bien Sure". I am sure he uses " Evidaman" all the time in order to show the "anti patriotes" that he is not a cretin as he has mastered four syllables in only one word....

3/ "Mo in donne instriktions pou ICAC investigate sa!" The la tete kokom will applaud this, but anyone with more than 2 brain cells will find it highly amusing that "ICAC" and "investigate" are in the same sentence...

But our Pravind beta is not as stupid as he looks. Referring something to ICAC means that the plebs in the National Assembly cannot ask any questions about the thieving bastards. Also, it is a guarantee that the chuttur ka mou in charge of ICAC will take years before he starts " etidier dossier la" and will still answer " Mo p etidier dossier la" in 10 years time.

By that time, most of us would have either died, or suffering so much from boredom that Alzheimer's has become a much cherished friend...

4/ Same as in 3/ but replace ICAC with CCID, headed by a Jug's relative who is really as stupid as he looks. He is the most useless policeman on Planet Earth whose boss is someone known as Dipshit, and who is just as useless. Both Jangli and Dipshit, as well as the chuttur ka mou at ICAC, can easily lay claim to the Chatwa of the Year Award, and will create history when all three come first....

Of course, once CCID 'investigates' whilst wasting weeks, months, years indulging in the favourite hobby of Mauritian men known as " gratte graines", no one can ask any questions! Sinon, sa pou interfere dan nou systeme zistis, which as we all know, is the best in the whole wide world...

5/ Get arselicking zourlanus to try to con Lepep Kouyon with articles giving a completely different side to what the facts clearly show. The icing on the cake here is we still have hundreds of otherwise sane individuals who worship these zourlanus, and who love to "like" every self-serving article or post that these wretched people scribble....

6/ Finally, get the trolls from Sun Trust/MT and the personal ones of the zombies in government to write as many offensive comments as possible on Facebook. It does not matter one iota if the trolls can't even spell properly the swear words they love to use; all that matters is their constant presence online, and their incredible ability to make us feel the terrible disappointment of realising that the long fart you were expecting to let out has turned into a long stream of shit running down your trousers...

There you are: PJ's tactics for dealing with any complaints, and the certainty that all investigations will hit a brick wall known as la cuisine, with Beekarry, Jangi, corrupt civil servants/zavokas/judges, and some mercenary zourlanus acting as bouncers/doormen/laundrymen....

Jeudi 16 Décembre 2021

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