Paul Lismore


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Jeudi 19 Juillet 2018

According to L'Express, the following posts are going begging for what our politicians and zourlanus love to call 'L'oiseau rare', i.e. a presumptuous oaf who knows only one use of his tongue apart from praising his political God: lick his arse.

The Economic Development Board (EDB), Cargo Handling Corporation Ltd (CHCL), Airports of Mauritius Ltd (AML), Mauritius Multisports Infrastructure Ltd, MBC, and Landscope Mauritius have all been without a CEO for months now, and hardly anyone has noticed...which perhaps tells us how useless the previous incumbents really were.

This reminds me of Belgium in 2010-2011 which had 589 days without any government (a world record...) and yet the Belgians found a way to keep their government programs and services running without serious interruption....

Mark de Vos, a professor at Ghent university, said in a comment to Time magazine that :
" the absence of a government makes little difference to day-to-day life in Belgium…. Belgium deftly helmed the presidency of the E.U. in the second half of 2010, and the caretaker government last month headed off market jitters over its debt levels by quickly agreeing on a tighter budget. The country is recovering well from the downturn, with growth last year at 2.1 percent (compared with the E.U. average of 1.5%), foreign investment doubling and unemployment at 8.5 percent, well below the E.U. average of 9.4%. ‘By and large, everything still works. We get paid, buses run, schools are open.." 

In Mauritius, lepep admirab would have been screaming "Jugnauth mari Ramgoolam, Ramgoolam mari Jugnauth, Berenger mari amerder" in a self defeating attempt to have their respective political God as PM....

Belgium showed that one of the major lessons learned was that “in mature democracies, a power vacuum is taken care of in a constructive, creative, and responsible way.”

But we are quite far from being a mature democracy, and our democracy spins on one theme only: Get the most incompetent arseholes imaginable into government so that they can appoint their equally incompetent friends, relatives, and assorted soucerres in positions that they are singularly ill qualified for...or if they are qualified, the chances are quite substantial that the fantastic 'degrees' and academic background they like to boast about are very likely to be fake, or simply dug out of the internet.

So, let me be a real Mauritian and see what I can do to servi mo pays, a la mauricienne.
Yes, Pravin Jugnauth, I am prepared to fill all six CEO vacancies and  be the CEO of all of them.

This will save the taxpayer a lot of money as I will only demand a salary and privileges a la Naila Hanoomanjee: All six salaries will be mine ( an argument Naila is using to justify her 'pitiful' Rs 70,000 increase in an already huge monthly salary...), but you will save a fortune from not having to fork out for 6 chauffeur driven limousines, 6 different petrol allowances, 6 different per diem, 6 separate business/first class travel on those ever so important mission bidons, only 15 months salary every year for poor me instead of you having to waste so much taxpayers' money on 6 different individuals, only one free phone for me as opposed to six, one entertainment allowance which of course I would expect to be at enhanced rates as you will save on 6 entertainment allowances and like all good CEOs of our parastatal orgs, I will behave as if my shit smells really nice from the day you appoint me. 

You are finance minister and you know that the above makes eminent sense. I can assure you that I will maintain the extremely high standards of previous CEOs, and that therefore no one will notice any improvement in the performance of those orgs.

The icing on the cake? I will begin every sentence of every speech that I make with " Grace a Pravin..."; even when I need to go to the toilet and I ask " Ena kiken la dan?" and when silence greets that question, I will say ''Grace a Pravin ki toilettes vide et mo ressi al kk".

If I falter in that last duty, I will ask our minister of sports to lend me one of the thousands of orange shirts that he owns and apparently no other shirt, and I will wear it, even when it makes me look extremely ridiculous a la Stephan Toussaint, whenever I see a zourlanus lurking around...

So, there you are, Pravin Jugnauth! If you want to save the taxpayers' money (granted that this is by far the least favourite hobby of our politicians...), you know what you have to do.

Lepep pa pou exkizer!

p.s.for those still on the long waiting list for a sense of humour implant, the above needs to be taken with huge dollop of salt...

Jeudi 19 Juillet 2018

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