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Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] STOP BUYING TOILET PAPER AT RS 10 A ROLL. LEE SHIM IS GIVING AWAY A HUGE ONE FOR FREE, AND A MASSIVE ONE AT ONLY RS 5.00 A THROW!


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Lundi 16 Septembre 2019

AT LAST! EXCELLENT NEWS! STOP BUYING TOILET PAPER AT RS 10 A ROLL. LEE SHIM IS GIVING AWAY A HUGE ONE FOR FREE, AND A MASSIVE ONE AT ONLY RS 5.00 A THROW!



Yes people, don't ever say that we do not have real 'patriotes' on our island! Don't you dare even think that our 'serviteurs du pays' only serve themselves!

There is no nobler task for a man than the ability to look after our basic, private needs in the way Lee Shim has: the man saw how we were struggling to wipe our arses with toilet paper, especially single ply, so that your finger often goes through and tickles the best part of you that has decided to leave you...

The very clever and deeply humane man sat for hours in his leather armchair, with an emphatic "Do not disturb sign " on his door, and ruminated at length about our most pressing need and how he, Gambler extraordinaire and billionaire, could add his philanthropic weight to the desire of patriotes to work dans l'interet superieur du pays.

"Eureka" he shouted, and a startled pion and a too eager to please secretary immediately brought him a bottle of the Mauritian "wine" that bears that name, and which has made many latrines work double shifts to accommodate the side effects... " Non, ban kouyons! Eureka v dire ene gran decouverte, pa sa kouyonade la! Amene moi mo vier boutey Irish Malt Whisky!"

The flamboyant entrepreneur with the knack to make you believe that he will make you immensely rich if you give him your money and bet on a donkey, lit a huge Havana, and through the rings of the smoke, he could see a grateful Lepep showering him with praise and demanding that he is awarded a GCSK: Gran Couyonneur of the Star and the Key.

Yes, thought Lee Shim, there can be no greater calling for man than to serve the basic needs of the population and to help them shit in peace without having to count the number of sheets of toilet paper they need to wipe their arses with.

Lee Shim is of course aware of the fact that there are other cheap toilet papers on the market, but he decided that he will endeavour to bring to the masses toilet rolls of such quality and impenetrability that no careless finger could ever directly touch the forbidden orifice, even by accident. He thought the papers will be hot, and was tempted to scream "Mazavarou!", but decided that he does not want his pion and distracted Secretary to walk in with a bowl of the scorching sauce and asking him " Roti ou dal pourri, Missier?"

So, he had a quiet chuckle to himself, and if he had a mirror in front of him, he would have kissed his reflection whilst murmurring sweet nothings like, " To meme ki mari! Ban kouyons la donne briani, moi mo pou look after seki sorti kan fini manz briani pouna! Lepep pou remercier moi kan zot p kk en paix.."

He called Shoprite and asked with an imperious voice: " ki prix ou van ou papier toilettes?" " Rs 10, Single ply" was the reply, and before the automated voice had finished, Lee Shim put the phone down and laughed loudly: "Rs 10 single ply? Hahaha! Moi mo pou donne zot 2 kalite papier toilettes: 1 ki gratis net, pouna kouma Lepep Kouyon bien kontan; et ene lot, pou fer koir ki li higher class, pou zis Rs 5! Sakili!"

He thought of names for his two new brands of toilet paper:

1/ the first one will of course be "Mazavarou" because that was what he exclaimed when he first thought of proper toilet papers. 2/ The second one he decided he would call Zordi because he has realised after years of exploiting the gullibility of a Lepep Kouyon that they could become immensely rich by giving him their hard earned money, they need to be reminded what day it is today...hence "Zordi".

He knew he would have no problems hiring mercenaries to sell his toilet papers or to make those taking the free ones believe they are taking something very valuable. All he had to do was count the number of times those zourlanus wrote "ethics", "integrity", "principles", " independence" in their deeply hypocritical pieces of shit, and he knew they would come and manufacture and sell his toilet papers....and still mention "ethics", "integrity" etc like a stuck record.

So, people of this island, no more visits to the toilets from now on where the first thing you worry about is "pou ena papier dan sa kouyonade la?" Visit any disreputable corner of the island and get your free "Mazavarou" and your "Zordi" at only Rs 5 a throw!

At a time when newspapers around the world are facing huge financial problems, we have a patriote here who will give his away at 2 papers for only Rs 5.00!

There are instructions on the front page for Lepep Kouyon on each toilet roll: "Tranp li dan ene tigit dilo avan souy fess ar sa. Li pou pli absorbent. Pa pran traka ban lartiks la, parski si lartiks la sitan kk ki li pa pou rant dan la tete dimoune, ou koir li pou rant dan ou fesse?"

Lundi 16 Septembre 2019

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