Paul Lismore


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Mercredi 13 Mars 2019


The R.I.P brigade is out in force again, and the cynic in me often asks myself whether these sad people really care about the tragic suicide of the young girl in the news, or are simply using this terrible calamity in order to show how much they 'care', and what wonderful people they really are.

The fact remains that the mother will have to bear this loss and tragedy for the rest of her life, and long after those people expressing sympathy have forgotten about it and moved on to some other tragedy for those precious 'like'.

None of us know exactly what happened in what will necessarily remain a personal tragedy for the afflicted family. But the rush to judgement has been quite incredible, despite the absence of evidence, and the lynch mob mentality is in full swing with new expressions being formed by the hour to illustrate how they want the wretched man and his family to suffer.

I have yet to see the 'Bizin koup li boutte par boutte' expression so beloved of those geniuses who love to pollute the comment section of our newspapers with views from before the Middle Ages, but give it time, eh?

I have so far read only 2 posts on Facebook that deal with the issue in a realistic manner: one from Nanda Pavaday which does not surprise me at all and addresses inter alia the issue of bullying, and the other one from Rajnish Bhunjun on whether there is any legal redress for cases where the behaviour and conduct of some people has perhaps contributed to the terrible state of mind that has triggered the desire for self destruction.

Both are valuable and original observations, and do not admirably follow the beaten track of pointless R.I.P.s and synthetic sympathy.

I am afraid neither you nor I know anything about this tragedy apart from the filmed evidence of the bereaved mother. That in itself brings to light the destructive nature of too much love by some mothers for their sons, who then inevitably turn into selfish adults often with a penchant for verbal and physical violence, especially towards those who seem weak and feeble.

In the eyes of these mothers, their sons can never do any wrong and are the angels that others inexplicably cannot see...These suffocating, personality throttling mothers exist in every layer of our society, and they end up breeding ill mannered doctors and boorish civil servants as well as street muggers and vandals.

The situation becomes very bad for these sons if the fathers cannot play their paternal roles fully and prefer the quiet life instead. (cue for so called 'feminists' now to froth at the mouth, and hopefully the suds will not land on my post...).

As for the media, what can we expect from our zourlanus? Nanda Pavaday sums the hypocrisy up brilliantly:

"  I see many people, including media channels, uploading pictures of the girl on their wall as a show of sympathy. It makes me wonder how many are doing so because they are indeed affected by the tragedy and not because the girl looked pretty. 
How many would still have shared the photo and done a montage to upload on their wall if the girl was not attractive looking. Sneaking underneath that outburst of sympathy, isn't there a little hypocrisy that even in death, it matters how you looked when you were alive, as if you are less of a human if you are not pretty. "  

So, what can be done to control the outrageous behaviour of vermins of both sexes who want to play ping pong with the hearts of the people they claim to love?

I am afraid the answer is perhaps a change in the way we bring our children up and to replace the cotton swabs impregnated with Bollywood style schmaltz with a more realistic inculcation of the truth about the realities in life.

In other words, the best thing you can tell your children is that sometimes shit happens and you have to deal with it in a way that ensures you don't end up being flushed with the shit. Reassure them that they can always say anything they want to you, including things that they may find embarrassing.

And if they find it too difficult to do that because of the parent-child relationship, then encourage them to talk to someone they call as a real friend and who they know will not use a private conversation in order to fer palab.

I know that is a quite tall order in our Mauritian culture, but what is the choice? Try that or let the situation degenerate where the irreparable happens and loads of strangers then write R.I.P. ? 

I do understand the views of many that in the rush to judgement because of this tragedy, the man must be punished.

But why? For breaking his engagement? Because one partner no longer loves the other, that partner must be forced to show the same love and affection that he/she simply can no longer summon?

What would you have preferred? He marries the girl, subjects her to the sort of domestic violence that is all too common in our society esp with sons who find it difficult to come out from under Mum's skirts, then divorces her after lumbering her with one or two kids that she can ill afford to raise?

Would that have made you happier? Doubt it, as that would have deprived you of your precious R.I.P.s, non?

The best thing that parents need to tell their children is this "Shit happens, and when it does, deal with it constructively".

Life is never always easy, so be prepared to deal with it effectively when the shit hits the fan.

Trying to show the one who has spurned you how much you are suffering makes you look pathetic and needy, and only serves to inflate the ego of the odious specimen who has made your life miserable.

In the words of Bob Dylan a long time ago, which applies to both sexes,

" I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
But goodbye’s too good a word, gal
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right "

That's the way to do it. That is what is called 'being real'....Instead of doing something irreparable that will only confirm the psychopathic arsehole's delusion that he/she is really someone exceptional who deserves to continue to smash your fragile heart into smithereens.

Mercredi 13 Mars 2019

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