Paul Lismore


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Lundi 16 Décembre 2019

We shall soon be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ in a manger and in complete poverty. 3 Wise Men brought him gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh.

Forget frankincense and myrrh, as these are too cheap and don't convey the extent of our feelings for our loved ones. Out of those 3 gifts, only gold has survived, and our juices flow when we unwrap a package under the Xmas tree and find a lovely item of gold jewellery, as this will apparently confirm our view that he/she really loves me!

Please don't forget to do your bit for the environment and ensure that your Xmas tree is bigger and greener than your neighbour's...sinon, ki dimoune pou dire?

And when the leaves have died and start to fall on your lovely floor, just grab it, and shove it on the nearest rubbish dump because it is no longer your problem then...Even if you don't pay any local taxes, be sure to shout " b ki conseil p fer pou nettoye sa? Nou paye tax nou!"

When we hear stories of a homeless Christ born in a manger, thank the Lord that you have a lovely home, and please do not spoil the festive spirit by sparing even one thought for the homeless. Zot faute sa! Zot paresse! Whereas we work so hard , esp in the Civil Service and anywhere 'dan gouvernman', where going to 'work' at 9 and starting to work at 11 for many shows our patriotism and sense of duty...

Eat, drink, and shag plenty, although if you indulge too much with the first two, the third one might become problematic as you can't raise the dead, even on this festive occasion...

And please, don't forget the essential message and purpose of Xmas these days: Who has got the best and most expensive gift? Even if you have not, pretend that you did get the best one as it is unlikely you will bring it to the office, and no one will therefore ever know. Just go through any website that caters for bigheads, and click a picture of a delightful item, paste it on your on your Facebook page with the headline " My darling gave me this for Xmas", et voila! Hundreds of people will like it, garanti sa!

But the nicest thing you could do this Xmas is to send messages via Facebook to people you don't even know and then ask them to share them with people you don't know either.

In these days of bhai lookes and all sorts of bugs eating away at your computer and phones, and warnings about not clicking on unusual sites that may be unsafe, please do not disappoint your friends and strangers!

Send them a Xmas message that specifically asks you to "click the message below". In true Xmas spirit, many will click on the link and before they know it, their arses will be on show to the world...

It is pointless wishing you a happy Xmas on Xmas Day itself as the trend seems to be to send Xmas wishes at the beginning of December. Next year, I will try to do it in November, because my life is so boring and so unimaginative that I have fuck all else to do than to send stupid messages asking strangers to click on them.

Have a wonderful Xmas! Can't wait to tell you on Boxing Day that my Xmas gift is much better and more expensive than yours!

Lundi 16 Décembre 2019

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