Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] Message from le Defi...

Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Vendredi 19 Juillet 2019

" We are dreadfully sorry that we can no longer give you your daily fare of horrendous murders, crimes of violence, rapes, etc. We are heartbroken that we will not be able to give you stories of 'jambes en l'air", especially concerning girls under the age of consent.

We know how much you love reading them and how titillated and excited our zourlanus feel when they write about those passionate encounters. So, no more stories of malice dan karo kanne, lor montagne, lor la plaz, dan loto, etc. But if you are keen to know more about activities of people in their bed rooms, contact us and we will refer you to websites that also provide pics and films of those jambes en l'air, jambes lor zepol, jambes ouver kouma boite sardines, etc.

For the next 10 days, our wonderful 'newspaper' will provide wall to wall coverage of the greatest sports event in the world this century. Yes, the JIOI is here, and Baron de Coubertin is kicking himself in his grave for not modelling his Olympics Games on the extravaganza that the gorgeous Pravin Jugnauth and his sexy ministre sports/ ministre lamoresse zoranz/ministre Fanta/Mirinda Toussaint have laid on for us. And remember, all those billions of rupees for these Games come directly from the pockets of the Jugnauths, so please show some gratitude! All of this is 'gratis' for you because the Jugs really know how to spend your money. Decades of experience of looking after your money have made the Jugs incredibly rich, and only the anti patriotes will complain about their generosity and service au pays...

We, at le defi and at Radio Minus are true patriots, and we will not shirk our responsibilities. We will provide maximum coverage to this sporting phenomenon taking place on our island. As the Colonel Khodabux would say, " Ena mari pitaye la dan! Alor, pisse lor seki pa kontan, seki ban anti patriotes, seki zalou! Nou la presse extra independan li, et Nawaz NoBuzz et Jean Luc Gluteus Maximus la pou informe zot! Nou ban patriotes, nou!"

P.S. Having seen this message from le defi, the GoNad at L'Express, in the true spirit of capitalist endeavour, has decided to send basically the same message, but with the following addition: 

"We are so sorry that because of our national duty to these Games of world wide importance and significance, we will not be able to provide the usual sensational stories that show India in a bad light. We apologise especially to those readers who have achieved the incredible feat of forgetting that their ancestors come from India and not from Saudi Arabia, and who cannot wait to write something derogatory about the land of their forefathers..

Normal service will be resumed in 10 days' time, and we also look forward to your renewed pleasure when you read our remarkable news items on 'jambes en l'air'. 

Long live Tamil Nadu! (although the GoNad prefers to spend his holidays in USA mostly...).

Allez Moris! "

Vendredi 19 Juillet 2019

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