Paul Lismore


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Vendredi 7 Juin 2019

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money."...Anonymous.

Yes, people. Ask and you shall receive on Monday, even though Xmas will not be celebrated for anther 180 days or so. It is called the Magic of La Cuisine, and Santa Pravin will climb down the chimney of the National Assembly, bearing lovely gifts bought with the money that we haven't got and which our grandchildren will still be paying back long after we have turned a moribund economy into the Intensive Care Unit for desperate cases.

Santa Pravin aims to please and, evidaman and bien sure, he will be very generous with your money, and you, being a Lepep quite Kouyon, you will thank him for deepening the hole he has already dug for us, and vote for him. 

Yes, vote for him and his party, because that is the only thing that matters to not only him but to all politicians in Mauritius.

Why? Because our votes are the blank cheques given to absolute arseholes to loot and plunder at will what has not been stolen yet. All sorts of fantastic promises will be made where some weird people will lull you into believing that they will provide you with everything 'gratis', not from the money that you do not have but from the debts that will have to be incurred in your name in order to fund your freebies.

And, because we are a Lepep Kouyon, we will thank Santa Pravin for tightening the noose tighter around our necks and praise him for his 'generosity'....generosity that is not funded by even one cent from his vast fortune but entirely from your own pockets, God bless you, Lepep Kouyon, for being so stupid that you cannot feel the thieving hands dipping into your quite empty pockets in order to buy you the freebies that you love so much, and all purchased with the IOU's surreptitiously dropped in the abyss of your own pockets...

You want cheaper petrol, although we do not produce even one litre of oily piss to power the cars we love so much?

Santa Pravin will give it to you, even though the price of petrol has gone up everywhere, including countries that actually produce the stuff. But we pray a lot and God has blessed us (men wearing funny clothes tell us this...), so we can have cheaper petrol. Yes, we can!

Very few of us pay income taxes, but we are a blessed nation, and even the super rich with money coming out of their arses pay only 15% income tax. A blessed nation where equality rules, and the super rich contribute the same in taxes as every one else. Not one cent more!

That is why all our politicians call themselves 'socialists', which is the best joke invented since individuals like Soodhun, Rutnah, E.T., the chap with the face of a pussy and who thinks he is an AG, Bobok Hureeram, etc invaded our TV screens...

So, no rise in income tax for anyone, Santa Pravin! Instead, put up the tax threshold so that even fewer of us have to pay it. The shortfall in revenue will be bridged by our grand children, so no worries....

Tax on the big houses outside the municipalities? Rural taxes? Eoula! No way! We are a blessed nation, and the very rich living in so called rural areas must not pay any taxes on their properties! And no Inheritance taxes either! Only rich nations do that, but we are a nation blessed by God...

No rise in Capital Gains tax! Oh no! Think of those super rich people, including our Santa Pravin, having to separate a few millions from the billions in their offshore accounts and assets under prete noms! We live in an etat de droit! The Super Rich have every right to look down on us, especially as the Mauritian culture makes so many of us look up to the handful that controls and owns almost everything, and sniff their arses....

More exemptions from the Land Conversion Tax! Those poor Super rich will otherwise stop their natural instincts to concrete over anything that looks green and then call it 'smart'...The money from the rest of us must still go, but in greater amounts, to provide lovely roads for these poor super rich, and they must not be deprived of free water and electrical installations too!

We do not have enough vehicles on our roads, so we need more duty free cars! We are the only country in the world with incredibly intelligent and generous politicians who will provide duty free cars to people who can already afford them! Long may that continue!

Over 500,000 vehicles on our roads already and that is clearly not enough! We want more! We love traffic jams and without them, and without Liverpool mari Man u or vice versa, most of us will not have anything to talk about during our waking/working hours. So, more vehicles please!

Those nice socio cultural 'leaders' have asked for more, and Santa Pravin will evidaman satisfy their needs. After all, they provide him with free curtains some 5 or 6 times every year and the briani parties go on months after the Gods have fallen asleep....

So, don't worry folks! Santa Pravin aims to please. Many more freebies on the way! 200,000 pensioners will rightly see an increase in their pensions, and even the Super rich will be very grateful for this extra help from Lepep Kouyon...

A few thousand will continue to work full time, draw a full salary + a full state pension! No other country in the world does this...We are truly blessed, we are God's people! 

100,000 civil servants will see a year of reading newspapers, long lunches, many tea breaks etc rewarded with a PRB brought forward by 2 years and all that juicy back pay...Miam miam! To meme nou mari, Pravin!

Elected MLAs and even unelected ones but who are weirdly called 'Best Losers', transfiz, etc will all continue to benefit from a nice pension until death if they have 2 mandates of servi nou pays! Presidents and Vice Presidents will continue to obtain massive pensions, tax free from us even AFTER they are dead, and Santa Pravin will look at increasing this incredible generosity of a Lepep Kouyon.

Bis gratis, la sante gratis, ledikation gratis, pension gratis, tou gratis! B kifer zot tax nou kan nou kk avek zot WWMA? Sa oussi bizin gratis! Santa Pravin, let us shit for free!!!

Vote for Pravin! Pena pli bon Santa ki li! 

pssst! we only owe about Rs 320 billion rupees, we import far more than we export, we have a permanent balance of trade deficit, but who cares? Zis ban anti patriotes ki pa kontan freebies depi Santa ki pou plaigner! Vive (or as some peasants like to say it, Vivre!) Pravin!

He is doing to us what la cuisine has been doing since 2014: Fucking us roughly and expecting and demanding that we moan " More, baby! More!"

Vendredi 7 Juin 2019

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