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Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] HOW TO BECOME THE PERFECT SPEAKER FOR OUR NATIONAL ASSEMBLY


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Lundi 24 Février 2020



1/ Watch some past televised programmes covering proceedings in the National Assembly, esp those chaired by Speaker Maya Hanoomanjee.

2/ Learn by rote the following expressions, which she was very fond of:
    This is my ruling. My ruling is not to be questioned! 
     I am on my feet. 
     Withdraw unconditionally (coitus interruptus a la mauricienne...)
 
3/ If "Withdraw unconditionally" fails and you are not sure which word was "unparliamentary" or you cannot remember, then simply say, as Fuck Here did today, " Withdraw whatever word you said!" That way, you have got the bastard, as he too will be confused which word he used was unparliamentary....

4/ The most important rule, which Maya followed scrupulously, is this: If a ti cretin stands up and asks the Speaker to order someone to "Withdraw" a word, then the Speaker will immediately stand up and order the "anti patriote" to "Withdraw"....If the ti cretin asks the Speaker to do that 10 times in half an hour, the Speaker will, in all independence and with the complete objectivity at his command, support the ti cretin and order a coitus interruptus 10 times on the trot.

You have to agree: this has to be the easiest job in the world. At nearly Rs 400,000 a month + millions of rupees as per diem for useless missions, etc, ordering someone to pull out before ejaculation makes you not only the Speaker, but also our foremost proponent of an archaic contraceptive method. The Pope will love you! Of course, it also helps if, as High Commissioner of this island to Egypt, you showed an excessive amount of fondness for young boys...

Seriously, if you want to become a clown, please visit the Sun Trust building and purchase one of our Special Hearing Aids: this will allow you to hear everything on the right side of the National Assembly and make you completely deaf to what goes on on the left side of the National Assembly. You can even take pics of your dick, a la Tarolah. and the Speaker won't see anything. Honest!


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