Paul Lismore

[Paul Lismore] Exclusive ! Meeting between Pravind Jugnauth (PJ) and Liz Truss (LT) at the UN today

Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Mercredi 21 Septembre 2022

Here is an almost verbatim report of the meeting between the PM of Mauritius and the PM of the UK:

LT: Hello Prime Minister. So nice to see you. (whispers to her secretary, " what is the name of this fool?").

PJ: Huh huh, nice to see you Prime Minister Boris. How are you?

LT (whispers to secretary, "told you he is a fool. He probably thinks the Queen is still alive..."): Prime Minister, haha. Yes, poor Boris. Anyway, we are both busy, so what shall we talk about?

PJ: Huh huh, Prime Minister, once again we have to talk about Chagos. It belongs to Mauritius and therefore we demand that the US and the UK pay us rent for the use of our island for military purposes. It is only fair that if you use what belongs to us, you should pay for the privilege. Evidaman. Sorry, evidently.

LT: Oh yes, Chagos. Don't worry, now that I am Prime Minister, I shall make sure that many meetings take place between UK officials and Mauritian officials, as this is a very complicated matter. These meetings will follow the same format as your Cabinet meetings, where everyone agrees with everything that the stronger person says. In this case, of course the stronger one is the UK, but we will treat the whole matter with our legendary diplomatic skills...

PJ (a bit confused about what LT really is saying, decides to play safe): Oh thank you Prime Minister. I shall announce on our independent TV medium, the MBC, that Mauritius has secured a great victory at the UN, and that the UK PM has promised to have many meetings with us. And that soon, we will have many millions of dollars in rent coming our way.

LT (whispers to her secretary: Is he really that stupid? Does he not realise that these meetings will go on and on for many years, and that nothing will happen?) : Yes, Prime Minister. Your people back home will be very happy with this outcome, especially the way you tell them. 

They start to stand up but LT sits down again and PJ does the same.

LT: Tell me Prime Minister, how much is India paying in rent to you for its military base in Agalega? That is a huge base, isn't it?

PJ starts blabbering: No Prime Minister, the base in Agalega is not a military base. It is for scientific research only. Therefore, no rent is required. Plus, Prime Minister Modi is my elder brother and we call India, Mother India.

LT: Really? We also say that the Chagos base is for scientific research to see how fast military planes can fly, and to test whether cato tastes better than capitaine or not. And I saw you sing, " God save the King" at the funeral, so how can you ask for rent from your King?

PJ, now a complete mess: But, but, but

LT: Sorry Prime Minister, I have to go now to meet the President of the USA. I suppose you will be meeting with the Prime Minister of Kazakhstan or someone equally important. It has been nice meeting you. I am so pleased that you understand that we both see the importance of scientific research. See you at our next meeting in a year's time, I suppose. 

LT departs the room.

PJ is immediately surrounded by his chamchas and he exclaims: " Truve kouma mo in koz fort ar li lor Chagos? Li in oblize aksepte ki nou zoine souvan pou diskite sa. Evidaman et bien sure, le monde entier pou koner ki moi!"
Chamchas: Oui, Pravind, to meme nou mari!

The headlines in our "free and independent" press tomorrow: MAJOR VICTORY FOR PRAVIND JUGNAUTH'S DIPLOMACY!

Mercredi 21 Septembre 2022

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