Paul Lismore


Rédigé par Paul Lismore le Mardi 1 Octobre 2019


Yes, you lovely patriots, the biggest ever closing down sale is now in its last few weeks. Pravin Jugnauth has extended the greatest sale in our history until a date when he is convinced he has managed to convince more of Lepep Kouyon that it is the highest form of intelligence and patriotism when you say thank you to a thief who has given you some cheap, tatty jewellery that he has bought from the money in your pocket, and then tells you it is a 'bijou'.

Now, you have to admit that this is ingenuity and mental brilliance at its highest, despite some zalou claiming that he is nothing but a ti cretin whose strings are firmly attached to the apron of Lady Macbeth and who is now firmly on the path to destroying our economy by bribing us with bijoux bought with money we simply have not got.

Let us look at some of the 'bijoux' he has given us so far, and which ALL come from your own pockets, but which he has managed to convince the dildos on our island that the money comes only from his own pockets.

1/ What were those games called when we were praised that we had all become 'patriotes'? Jeux something...Anyway you know that one that gave us a 'bijou' called the Cote D'or stadium at a cost of nearly 6 billions, with a stadium capacity of 20,000 seats, but which has yet to see a few hundred bums on those seats...or the lovely water cress fields in Curepipe which served as our Old Trafford? That was when many of us were hoping that someone would kick our ministre lamoresse zoranz hard on his backside (or his face, as the similarity between these two features are quite striking on someone like him...) and let him scream a loud 'Krouiiiiiiiiiink'...

Anyway, if you want to see at first hand what a white elephant looks like, take a trip on one of our 'bijou' buses to Cote D'or et voila! BTW, the cost of this white elephant is the same as the Bagatelle Dam in an island where, despite the Poison Dwarf's assertions, many still suffer from cruel water shortages.

2/ The thing known as "Safe City", which is simply a hugely expensive way for the gangsters in government to spy on us. You will find cameras near the houses of opposition politicians, of journalists who have yet to join the band of mercenaries who have the cheek to call themselves 'journalists', and anyone who is seen as not nou bann. But you won't find those cameras outside the houses of drugs barons, the main financiers of drugs in Mauritius, or in the heart of our crime ridden areas....

That little 'bijou' will cost us the bagatelle of Rs 19 billions, once again from your own pockets. But it is controlled by the chief fingerer in la cuisine, someone who no one has ever voted for, our Darling Sherry. Safe City=19 billion rupees= at least three Bagatelle dams which would have solved our water supply problems forever.

It is also equal to the building of 19,000 decent houses which would have resolved our terrible, inhumane housing problem for good.

But our 'patriote' politicians firmly believe that we can't spend taxpayers' money on taxpayers, you see? Taxpayers' money is there simply to feed the gargantuan egos of the bastards we keep voting into power!

Let us now come to the bijoux yet to be unwrapped for us. This list is a mixture of improbable measures and real ones, as I certainly would not put anything past this government desperately trying to hold on to power. So, sarcasm alert for those who believe that sarcasm is the brand name of the latest Japanese car...

1/ Today, at a gathering of oldies and in a cacophony of dentures grinding with pleasure, Pravin Jugnauth will tell them that their state pension will be increased to the minimum wage level, " si nou re vine o pouvoir pou servi zot". In other words, come on you old fossils, give me your votes if you want to receive more of the money you have yourselves paid in taxes....

2/ " Mo pou fer Maurice sel pays dan le monde kot pa pou ena oken tax lor loto!" Zis ban anti patriotes ki dire ki pollution creer par sa zoli parfum ki sorti depi zot zoli tuyau lechappement!

3/ Tou ban patriotes ki met ene pavillion zoranz dan zot lafenet pou gagne ene zoli briani sak Dimanche! (Applause). Gratis!!! (much more applause!). So satini pom d'amour tou! Gratis! The crowd now goes into collective hysteria and shout, "Pravin, to meme nou mari!"

4/ " Mo ena linteret ban jeunes a coeur! Laisse mo dire zot, Tarolah pa pou gagne ticket, mai mo pou fer li montrer ban jeunes kouma bizin servi la lang pou zot renforci zot relations! Gratis! Pou 5 prochain ans! (Applause).

5/ " Mo gagne mari plezir kan mo koup ribans. Extra mo dire ou! Mo senti kiksoz ki Lady Macbeth pa in trapper depi lontan bouzer! Sa ki apel ene mirak! Alor, sak lakaz pou gagne ene zoli pair Sizo parski zot tou bizin sey gagne meme plezir! Gratis!! (Applause).

6/ " Mo pou nepli kass lerin mafia la drog! Mo malin moi! En place kasser, mo pou fer transplant zot lerins a dimoune ki lor waiting list depi mo ti ne (meme ki mo 'jeune')." Applause, but this time led by a macro on the side of the stage with a big pancarte saying "applaudi!" to the audience.

7/ "Ena tro boukou violence domestik dan sa pays la! Mo ena ene mari zarm dan mo la main ki pou fer tou dimoune obeir Protection Orders! Seki mo dire, mo pou fer! (the pancarte from the macro urging the audience to applodi, comes out again...). Kan ene dimoune nepli obeir Protection Orders, mo pou avoy mo bonb nucleaire al dire sa ban fatras la, " I order you out!". Oui, Maya Hanoomanjee pa pou gagne ticket et sa meme li pou fer pou servi nou pays! (Applodi pancarte out again, but despite this, the applause is as warm as piss that has been lying around for hours....)

Finally, no speech is complete without the mandatory attacks on the man who occupies the mind of Ti cretin all the time: Coffre forts! Cigars! Macarena! Djembe! Nandinee! (sorry, so tifi nou mam aster...Merci Lee Shim..).

So, be grateful for all the bijoux that you yourselves have paid for, and that you will be paying back for generations to come

Mardi 1 Octobre 2019

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